This is for all of the adoptive mommies and daddies. I set out on this blog with more tenacity once we started the adoption of Sir Tariku because I wanted to be honest. I wanted an honest look at adoption (or as much as possible while still preserving his personal story and some things that I want to be just his). I think I’ve done a decent job at that, most of our adoption has been roses. We’ve been blessed beyond measure with that.
Zach and I have recently started to notice just the slightest bit of regression. As most adoptive parents (APs) will tell you, it’s incredibly difficult to establish whether it’s “normal” child behavior or behavior that has underlying messages. Truly, what we’ve seen in Tariku recently probably wouldn’t even be on a lot of APs radar but…
Lately Tariku just isn’t as great about listening. It’s strange because it’s quite obvious he’s not doing it just to disobey us. He honestly always seems surprised that we caught him. For instance, tonight Zach was coaching his soccer. Zach said, “Okay everyone run to me, don’t kick the ball just leave them alone.” Tariku kicks the ball. Zach says, “Tariku, I said leave the balls alone, just run here.” Tariku takes 2 steps and then kicks the ball. When Zach tells him to sit out for a bit he just seemed like that was perfectly normal thing. Very strange.
I can pinpoint the beginning to one thing. Preschool. He loves preschool, he really does. Every morning he’s excited to go, though he has voiced his concern over the fact that he hasn’t learned anything and can he please just go to Kindergarten so he can start learning to read? But of course my mind starts thinking about the fact that preschool might be a little too close to what the care center felt like for him. Maybe he’s regressing because of that. Too many emotions coming out that he can’t quite identify and/or verbalize.
Like I said, it’s nothing big but it’s maybe something big. For Tariku not to listen is pretty big. He’s usually the one that gets in trouble because he listens to things that aren’t his business. So we’re not sure what to do about that. We tried taking toys away but that honestly just doesn’t affect him. I think time outs/ins might be the way to go with this one, he so hates being taken out of the action. The hard part is that I don’t want to punish him if it really is about feelings he can’t vocalize. I tried asking him why he is doing it? Is he sad or scared? Does he not understand when we tell him things? He said, “Because I want you to take my toys.” It’s quite clear he doesn’t quite understand the whole deal.
So what to do fellow APs? This whole parenting thing is so very humbling.
So is his beauty, by the way.