Sometimes I’m snappy. Yesterday someone said, “I can’t believe you are a mom to two kids”. “Actually I’m a mom to three” I retorted rather nastily. My friend, Jody, and I were talking today about adoption. It’s all consuming for us, why isn’t everyone else in the world thinking about that? Why would someone call me a mom to two when I’m so obviously a mom to three?

I must say having Jody in my life has made this adoption SOO much easier to handle. It is nice having a friend to talk to about it all, share resources and laugh while our kids go running around her house. I’ve found adoption, like all things in life, is a bit easier to float through and smile through when you’re sharing it with people you enjoy chatting with.

Biggest Loser finale tonight. Better go get myself prepared.

Trysten has an imaginary friend, his name is Tariku and he happens to be Trysten’s brother. When I make the kids breakfast, Trysten insists I make a (pretend) breakfast for Tariku. When I tuck him in at night, Trysten insists Tariku join us for prayers and snugglebugs. You know it’s getting long when Trysten is beginning to believe his brother is just a figment of his imagination.

We got our immunizations today. So we went the “cheap” route and only got the shots that would prevent us from dying and/or making us wish we were dead. Those were Hep A, (we got Hep B at our doc’s office), Yellow Fever and Typhoid. We skipped out on a few things but I was reassured that I would still be loved if I got any of the following: meningitis, polio, tetanus, etc. So, 3 shots each cost us $650. SERIOUSLY. That’s ridiculous. Adoption is a pricey adventure, but one look at Tariku’s eyes and I’d survive another 30 shots at $100 a pop. That’s no jokes. But my arm hurting is no jokes either. The title of this post comes because Trysten was a great help when we were getting our shots. He held our hands and all. Well, I got mine first (by the way, did you know the Yellow Fever shot is shot basically in your armpit? 1) gross, 2) ow!) and I didn’t bleed, nor did I squeeze his hand very tight. Well, Zach went next and he did bleed and Trysten reported later that he squeezed really tight. So a few minutes ago I was talking about how badly my arms hurt and Trysten said, “But you’re strong, mommy”. I’m going to assume it’s because he recognizes how truly strong I am and not because of my subliminal messages I’ve been giving him since birth. I.e. mommy is stronger than daddy, women can beat up men if they want to, mommy can beat daddy in a leg race, mommy can beat daddy in an arm wrestling competition, mommy can squat more than daddy, etc.

I better be off to make some of my famous fettucine chicken alfredo, it is a favorite of everyone but mine; I find it’s quite easy to sacrifice for the precious faces that stare at me across the table.

You know you are getting old when it’s 7:45 on a Friday night. The wife is sitting on the computer checking out her favorite blogs and other ridiculous websites. The husband is watching Indiana Jones: The Raiders of the Lost Ark. The wife is remembering the class she took in the Iowa college of cinema that talked about movies and sound (specifically referring to Indiana’s score–often referred to as “da, da, da, da, da da da da”–as well as the villian’s score –dark, rustic, you get the picture). Both husband and wife sit on different couches drinking a glass of wine. That is old, especially when they are both thinking about going to bed in T minus 1 hour. Alas that is us in all of our elderly glory.

Funny comment by Trysten the other day. It reminded me of why I don’t feel old enough to parent some days. Let me set the scene: Trysten was upstairs after waking up in the morning. We went downstairs when we heard Dailah babbling. I put her on the changing table. Trysten watches. The following is an almost-verbatim glimpse into our lives.

Trysten: Mommy, girls don’t have penises do they? What did you say it was called again?

Mommy: Girls have vaginas, Trysten.

Trysten: Oh that’s right. (Turns to Dailah) Nice vagina, Dailah.

WHAT?!?!?!?! What do I do in this case? It was so innocent and pure but all I wanted to do was laugh at the fact that my almost 5-year old is using terms like penis and vagina in a sentence; and saying them the way they should be. It’s not riddled with sexual innuendo (as it would be if their dad was trying to have the same discussion) but just very basic. Incredible.

I don’t know what I’ll ever do when it comes to the “sex talk”. I’m not entirely convinced I’ll be very good at that even though I know it’s necessary. If my intuition is anything like I think it is, I’m going to guess it will look mostly like me pretending to bite my nails and Zach doing all the talking. He’s a talker, that’s just what he does. Go for it, sweetness.

Anyhow, according to the score in Indiana Jones, it is about time to see some pretty crazy Indiana Jones ass kicking. Can’t beat that on a Friday night. If you think you can, I’d love to hear from you. Until then, da da da da, da da da da da.

We’ve been waiting for travel for one month. Yesterday marked exactly one month ago that we learned of our brown eyed baby in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Looking back it went quite quickly. Some days are harder than others.

Last night Zach and I got to go shopping as Santa Claus. It is our first Christmas where we went together to get the kids their stuff. It was a lot of fun. I think all the kids will be happy with their loot. I was getting a little crazy, Zach had to remind me that Tariku was not actually with us yet and, as much as I imagined him tearing through the wrapping to open up his new winter coat, he was not going to be doing it. He would still be in a blazing hot climate with very little knowledge of us.

Last night was also the first night Zach and I got to talk in length about our fears, hopes, etc. Usually there’s a child and/or family member around and we don’t feel like we can be as open as we might be otherwise. It was good to get my hubby to talk about his expectations. I think we are both very realistic in what we are expecting and I myself am preparing for the worst (constant tantrums, neverending grief, etc) and hoping for the best. The hardest part thus far is trying to tell Trysten every time he talks about Tariku that it will still be some time before we can bring him home.

By far the most difficult thing for Zach and I to wrap our heads around is our life. We’ve suffered loss, sure. But the loss of a family, culture, home; these are things we know nothing about nor can we pretend that we could possibly understand what that must feel like. Zach is afraid he will come back from Ethiopia and feel the slightest bit worthless with this life in the land of the privaleged. I am trying to see the positive in that we can be the propellants who make our family and friends aware of the plight happening to our brothers and sisters in Africa and around the world. We will see how even more passionate we can become about this subject after we have “been in the trenches” (or at least as much as you can for a week, in a nice guest house) with our family in Ethiopia.

For now, we can wait. I am guessing the very earliest they will be calling us about travel will be this time in January to tell us of a Feb travel. The good part about the wait is it is giving us time to really learn about the conditions of the peoples of Ethiopia. The HIV pandemic in Africa and the monstrosity in Darfur. There is no shortage of places in the world in desperate need of prayer and I’ve learned the more I learn the more I want to learn and the more I NEED to help. I would encourage one and all to do the same! The worst part about the wait is that my child is half a world away and my cheeks are in desperate need of kisses from three children.

I’m eating cookie dough straight from the tube, it’s a “Big Batch” so I’m feeling confident I won’t dominate the entire thing tonight.

I wrote our Ethiopian Coordinator to ask if she thought it’d be 12-16 weeks until travel from the time we accepted the referral (almost 1 whole month ago) or from when our homestudy was finally turned in (like, 1 day ago) and she said it wouldn’t be until our dossier was translated and sent to ET. I’m fairly certain this was her way of breaking it to us that we might want to sit tight. So…I’m eating cookie dough. Straight from the tube.

We went to get our groceries tonight, Zach took the kids in one cart and I went shopping in the other. Turns out it is kind of fun when the kids aren’t pulling at every aisle, wanting down to walk, etc. Anyhow, got to linger in a few aisles and I have no idea why I did it, but I went to the kids clothing. There was a size chart, according to that Tariku is a size 3T. So what did I do? Yup, looked at every one and pictured his beautiful brown eyes peeking out. There was the Diego hat and mittens that his smile lit up. There was a soccer outfit that was fitting for the boy who can’t get enough of the game. It’s all here. Everything is waiting for him and he has no idea.

I’ve been reading my friend’s blog (check “Ehrman” on the side) because she’s in ET right now picking up a girl who is Tariku’s age and is from his same village. I drink up every word she says about the care center and the little boys she sees.

I need to change the way these blogs are taking shape. You’d never know my life is basically perfect and I can’t get enough of it all. It’s just a truly interesting crossroads in my life right now. Looking forward to seeing how it all plays out. 🙂

Here are pics of the kids “just because” these two people make me feel better. Can’t wait to be able to post the third’s pic!

My daughter is abusive. If you see me walking around with bruises and/or tiny handprint marks, don’t blame Zach, blame my 16-month-old. Right now, she is playing swords with my almost 5-year-old and laughing. Not a cute, I’m a baby laugh, but like an evil laugh. One akin to what the Wicked Witch of the West would do. Don’t know how to get her to stop. We’ll be playing and snuggling, she’ll get a cute little grin on her face then wind up and smack me. Open fist smack. Makes noise and everything. I’m concerned, she seems to delight in it a bit too much. We’ve done everything we can think of and yet, she continues.

She and Trysten are really starting to enjoy playing together (side from the times that she slaps him and he cries, then she cries then I cry). It really is the cutest thing and it makes me very excited to have yet another one thrown in the mix within the next few months. It will be chaos but it will be joy, it thrills me.

We survived another couple days without Zachary again. The kids showed signs of missing their dad early in the week but were able to come through for me and were all kinds of fun (save for the aforementioned slapping).

I got the crud that the kids and Zman had. DARN-IT-ALL. I tried telling him my body won’t get sick during the holidays because I’m too happy. Alas, my miserably bad immune system failed me again. Owell, don’t tell my pharmacist of a sister but I’m finishing Zach’s meds off for him see if we can save on the $10 co-pay. Very “green” if you ask me.

Still no movement on the house. Z and I learned that, in order to save the marriage, we must make “house” a 4 letter word and never speak of it again. When someone asks about it, we “shh” them quicker than you can say “No talking in the library” and pretend that we live in our old house. I often find myself going into a fetal position and wishing we were in a different house, but alas I uncurl and find the chant “there’s no place like home” only takes me to here…home. Yippee kai yi yay motha …. you get the idea.

Here’s to at least one day of no violence, no sore throats and a strong wind blowing the top of this house down (all of us being okay, obviously), oh yeah, and an email that says we can go pick up Tariku.

So this process is tough. There is no way around that, I knew going into it that’d be the case, and I definitely know now. I think the hardest part for me is when our expectations aren’t meant. It’s like that with life in general, but with adoption perhaps it increases. Our process has been a bit different than “normal”. “Normally” you get all your paperwork in, the dossier complete. It goes over to Ethiopia, gets translated and sits and waits, somewhere between 4-6 mths for you to get your referral. Once you get your referral, it is sent all in one package to the courts and waits for it to go through court and let you know you’re free to travel.

Well we got our referral even before all of our paperwork was in. We were just waiting for the homestudy basically, for it to be sent over. Well the homestudy was sent to us on Monday of this week (as noted before, that was about 6 weeks later than we planned). We talked to our Ethiopian coordinator to see what happens next and she wrote back today saying she didn’t receive the homestudy yet. This is frustrating on a number of levels but it all boils down to our expectations weren’t met. Now our expectations have collided with the fact that Tariku is waiting for us. The care center that CHSFS runs is beyond wonderful, but it doesn’t take the place of two loving parents, two loving siblings and one extremely loving chocolate lab. The more Tariku bonds with the nannies at the care center, the more difficult it will be for his bonding process with us.

When we accepted the referral we were told somewhere between 12-16 weeks for travel. They also told a couple other families that same time frame who received referrals that week. The problem is those other families had their dossiers complete, translated and waiting for their good news. We don’t. I have a feeling we will see those families who received their referrals after us travel before us all because the “ducks weren’t in a row”. It’s a harsh reality, especially since we’ve paid a pretty penny for those ducks to be in a row.

It’s hitting me hard today. We’re snuggled up in our nice warm house, watching the sleet come down outside and I wish I was making 3 cups of hot cocoa and 2 coffees. I realize we have our lives to spend with Tariku as our son and when I put it in perspective I know God’s timing is perfect. But alas I am human, and perhaps more so today, I am a mom. Mom’s don’t function well when one of their children is being wronged and I guess that’s what I’m feeling for Tariku today. Mama Bear is fighting for you, Tariku. I am a fightin.

We just got an update on our Tariku. I must admit it was a superb feeling even hearing that about him. That he speaks well in his language and is learning Amharic (the national Ethiopian language) daily, as shown in the title, he repeats any words he hears. We also got a chest x-ray (which looked perfect) and I count that as a picture. It looks precious even in his chest x-rays! It kind of reminded me of an ultrasound of our babes, accept this time there was a personality report with it!

So it’s been a good week. Yesterday we got our Hep B shot, we’ll have to get 2 others for the series. We will be scheduling our other vaccinations today so that when they say, “You can go pick up your son.” We can say, “On our way”! I also talked to a few travel agents yesterday about our possible travel time (February-March). Both companies said this was the best time of year to travel as it’s the cheapest and easiest to get flights. It sounds like we’ll leave from Moline, IL, stop in Chicago, IL, head to Washington, D.C., 8 hours to Rome where we don’t get off the plane but they refuel and clean for 45 minutes then we head on to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for another 8 hours (I might have that wrong but it’s close). Anyhow, it doesn’t sound too bad considering I’ve been to Australia where it was about 21 hours. Either way, going there we will be embarking to pick up our son and on the way back we will have him and be on our way to settling in as a family of 5. It will be a great trip indeed!

We also had the guys who are going to renovate the upstairs come twice this week. We should be getting the layout today. It sounds like they will have it done in 8 weeks so long as we keep getting timely acceptance from the good folks at the Y. It was SOOO nice hearing them talk about it all. He said once we give them the okay to go they would start demo and within 2 weeks would see drywall being hung and the new layout would be obvious. What did I say to that? “Go ahead!” The only problem is that we will have to move out of the upstairs altogether. Right now that houses our master BR, BA and living room. Doesn’t sound like much but we’ve crammed A LOT of furniture in that part. It shall be interesting to see us all downstairs!

That also means I couldn’t decorate for Christmas like I usually do. Truth be told I’m typically a minimalist as far as decorating goes…that is, until it comes to Christmas. Then minimal is no longer in my vocabulary and “Santas every time I turn around” is how I would explain my decor. Thus, I was forced to decorate the kitchen and that’s about it. It still looks great if you ask me.

Better be off to train my favorite client! Happy Friday!

Both kids are downstairs sleeping. About every 2-5 minutes I hear one or both coughing. Not the ahem, ahem cough but the deep, came from the bottom of the lungs, waded through mush and popped through the throat, kind of cough. I cringe every time I hear it and resist the overwhelming urge to go pick them both up and make it a family bed night. They are my babies and even though I cringe when I hear it, I am so very thankful I hear it.

My friend, Jody, said of her twins waiting for her in Sierra Leone that she runs around always feeling a bit like she doesn’t have all her children with her (she and her husband have 4 boys as well). It’s like when my kids go visit my parents and sister for a week in the summer. It’s fun to hang out with Zach, and we enjoy our time together but I always miss them. I never sleep quite the same, I am…unsettled. When we reunite it feels right again. I sleep well, I am no longer living on edge and I am actually relaxed. But for the last week and 3 days I have felt unsettled again. This weekend we decorated cookies and Zach made one with Tariku’s name on it. The realization that all of my kids aren’t with me and I may not relax until we are all together under one roof hit me hard when I saw the sugar coated goodness. I recognize how badly I want to know, firsthand, whether Tariku sleeps like his big brother and little sister tonight.

1 1/2 weeks down, 10 1/2-14 1/2 to go!