Improved House in 2 Months?

So today would be what one might call “a great day”.

Firstly, we spent most of the afternoon getting a lot of our stuff for the dossier done. It’s such a good feeling to be getting this accomplished in the hopes of getting it overnighted on Thursday. This would mean we’d probably be officially waiting by FRIDAY!!!!! Could you even believe it?

Secondly, Zach and I have decided to be open to a single, twin or sibling group. That way, we know that whoever we are paired with it is completely in God’s hands. Does that make sense? Zach is such a great sport with me. 🙂 But I will continue to pray for our piece of mind about whatever happens.

Thirdly, Zach brought down the guy who will be renovating our house and he said he will be getting to it with another guy within the next 2 weeks and he thought it’d take just a 2 months. Could it be true that we might done by Christmas? I will set myself up for February just to be safe.

Anyway, I am hoping the next blog will be an annoucement that the next step in this process will be hearing of our new kid(s). WOOOHOO!

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Dossier and Divinity

Ok, so I woke up this morning to check my mail since I didn’t check it at all yesterday (yay me!) and found that we were officially accepted into the Ethiopia program at CHSFS AND they sent us the checklist for the dossier docs. WOOHOO! That means that hopefully I will be done with that by the end of next week (a girl can hope) and then we could be officially waiting VERY soon! Yee haw baby doggies.

So I started to change the tone of this blog a bit once we started the adoption process because I wanted it to be a way for people to see where we were at in the journey as well as something my future children could look at and see what I was going through in every aspect of life during this time. I kept a journal for both Trysten and Dailah and this was going to be like a journal to my newest children as well (don’t worry, I’m actually keeping a real journal too). So with that said, I want to be as truthful as possible about this journey.

I think my biggest struggle as a Christian, but perhaps more accurately as a human, is trying to control things. When Zach and I started feeling led RIGHT NOW to adopt I went full force into research, blog reading, forum reading, the works! I was/am frustrated with the snail-like process that is international adoption and can never quite understand why everyone else around me is feeling the need to go SO SLOWLY! So when we set out I was thinking we were being called to adopt 2 children. I thought so for many reasons, none of which I really want to list here, but there were many. Zach and I have started to pray even harder about this whole adoption. Since we know it is very much a “God thing” we really want to make sure we are doing it ALL like He wants us to (note: please know this is very much a selfish thing as well, we are praising Him that he has led us this way, we CANNOT WAIT to become parents again!)This adoption, like most parts of my life, I have been trying to control in every way possible. This adoption, in every way possible has been so out of my control! Why has it taken me 6 months for me to figure that out?

As of lately we have started to feel like perhaps God is leading us to adopt just one child. It is hard for me to even write, actually. I always pictured us getting 2 at the same time. So for 6 months when I’ve pictured us going to Ethiopia and being met at the airport, I’ve pictured Zach and I with a child in both of our arms. So I guess a part of me is a bit depressed to imagine just a child in one of our arms and luggage in the other. I think the best way to describe it is that it feels like I’ve already lost one. How could that possibly be? I don’t even have a referral yet but I feel like I’ve lost a child if we ask for only one.

I think by far THE most difficult thing about this journey has been learning more and more about the horrific things happening in Africa and other parts of the world (obviously there will be a focus on Africa heretofore). I can’t help but think that God has been telling me one thing and letting me think another so I can feel what the world should be feeling. WE LOSE KIDS ON A MINUTE-BY-MINUTE BASIS. My aching in my heart should be felt by the millions because these orphans are orphans through no fault of their own, their parents are in situations they cannot help. It is a horrific, ungodly thing happening out there and that, that is where the aching of my heart is coming from.

As my friend Jody said, adoption is not going to cure all that ails Africa or Ethiopia. It is, at the very best, throwing a life preserver to one or two children. At this stage in my life, there is little else I can do but continue to look for other ways to throw preservers anywhere I can.

God has given me a life most people in the world will never know and for that I am forever grateful. When people tell Zach and I were doing a good thing we want to look at them and say NO WE’RE NOT! We’re doing a very selfish thing. A great thing would be going to Africa to build wells that will give people fresh water or funding a school so children of all ages can become educated. A very great thing would not make me remotely as happy as mothering another child(ren) would be. So please, I understand it’s coming from a nice place when you say this but truly, it’s just not factual. I can think of 100 other things off the top of my head right now that would be infinitely better things to be doing but right now, this is our baby step.

So I guess in short, I’m wrestling with God right now. Please pray for me to understand that God may have placed this on our hearts but I’ve GOT to take my emotions out of this and try to listen to what He’s telling me or I’ll never come out of this thing with even the remotest bit of sanity.

Selam,
Tesi

Latest Cool Moments

1) Yesterday the kids were at Child Watch at our YMCA. I was talking to my brother-in-law right outside the door before I was picking them up. He looks in the windows and says, ” Wow, the kids are minorities in there.” I looked in and it was true! My 2 kids were 2 of 3 caucasion kids in the entire child watch which housed about 10ish kids. For some reason I got a little teary eyed. Probably because it reassures my belief that my African children will grow up with other minorities around them and perhaps even once in awhile putting their other siblings in their shoes (I am hoping in the not too distant future I will find myself in the same situation).

2) I chopped my hair off about a month and some ago. I do it every couple years because it grows so fast I’m able to donate once I start unappreciating it. Anywho, I was at my old work today and I got some hilarious comments about it for some reason, it just reminded me of why I love spending time with such positive children instead of the dripping negativity of people miserable at their jobs.

3) Speaking of that work, I am actually amazed that I don’t miss it for a single second. I thought I’d miss a few things about it or at the very least when the kids were making me yearn for a hiding spot that I would lust after my quiet days at the office. But alas, the only thing I miss is one of the girls that works there and she and I still talk every once in awhile so it’s officially worked itself out.

4) Dailah now says, “TT” with precision and it makes her big brother happier than almost anything (except cartoons, toys, and as we found out today, whoopie cushions).

Merci Beaucoup All You Female Warriors.

So today I was thinking about my blog. I started it to muse about motherhood, life and love and it’s become some sort of glorified baby book. I’ve never been very good at keeping those up anyway, and so I thought let’s just combine powers. As my sister-in-law quoted somebody (sorry, sis, forgot the name) “Writing is like living life twice” or something to that effect. And I believe it to be true, my blog has become somewhat theraputic and the imaginary people reading it out there have become my confidants. So I thank you for that.

Our worship leader at church was talking about how God didn’t make us to go at this life alone. I believe that with all of my heart but I also believe we, as mothers, as women, as humans try to do too much alone. We internalize things and put on our happy faces. I’ve been at points in my life when I’ve been without someone other than my husband to divulge intimate feelings and it is the very definition of miserable. I love having women in my life who I can be true with, who I can be real with. Happy or sad, disappointed or frustrated, it gets progressively easier when I’m sharing it over a cup of coffee with my girlfriends.

I don’t think it’s any surprise to my faithful followers that I am all about women connecting and coming together rather than tearing each other apart. My days in the women’s studies department taught me something, right? But I guess even my best of friends would be surprised to know that sometimes it’s still very hard for me. That even though I try to live life as a mostly open book to my friends, there are still days when somewhere inside is screaming that it’s really not as okay as I’m letting on. Those days are few and far between, mind you, but they are still there. I’m trying to let those go a bit more at a time, not for anyone else’s sake but my own. It just feels too good to tell someone and get the hug that was most needed or a shared tear or a look that shows me I’m not alone regardless of how alone I feel.

One thing the adoption (and perhaps motherhood in general) has taught me is that the ONLY way I can get through it is with a little help from my friends. So thank you to those that have been there all along, those that are new on board and those that will be coming very soon. I thank God for you each and every moment.

On a somewhat side note (not so side…it is about my very talented sister-in-law who is one of my biggest confidantes and also a mom to my nephews and also a female warrior) she is now a columnist on www. pregnancy.org. PLEASE go check out her first 2 articles. http://www.pregnancy.org/article.php?sid=3335 Copy and paste that into your web browser. You can click on her September and October articles. Do it, it will change your life. 🙂

Just A Quick Mention

Hey all faithful followers of the Klipsch blog…I am happy you are here.

Just a few quick notes..I would encourage all to visit my friend Jody’s blog..if you go over to the right of my blog you’ll see the link under “Landers” or you can go to http://www.landersadoption.blogspot.com. Her husband is our worship leader at church (the best one at that) and when they say behind every man….they are referring to the Landers. Anyhow, they are adopting from Sierra Leone, which for those geographically challenged (hey, I’m not a hater, I would consider myself one of those) that is also in Africa. They are the proud parents to 4 boys already and are now going to have twin 2-yr-olds from Sierra Leone. I’ve mentioned them before, but wanted you to go to their blog to a) see pictures of those beautiful babes and b) pray for them that they may be able to go over there VERY soon to meet their newest kids.

Also, was on our forum just a few minutes ago (as mentioned previously, it’s a heinously addicting guilty pleasure of mine). One of the forum members has so generously donated her time to create what’s called “The List”. This list includes everyone on the forum waiting for their referral. It’s fairly accurate as far as the forum goes, but there are still many people going through CHSFS who aren’t on the forum/List so we have to take that into account as well. Anyhow, was just peeking through out of curiosity as to how long people have been waiting for siblings, how many are waiting for siblings, etc. There is only 1 other couple waiting for a sibling group 3.5 yrs and younger and they’ve been waiting for 5 MONTHS!! There are many others (7) others who are waiting for sibling groups 3 yrs and younger and range from wait times of 7 MONTHS and down. Oh, so I’m going to settle ourselves down for a bit and get comfty with our sibling group we have now. 🙂

On another note, we are continuously keeping our eyes on the WIC list and praying over the children on there. Please keep them in your prayers as well (they are kids on what’s called the waiting international children list who are waiting for various reasons, i.e. medical, age related, etc). We know if God intends us to have one of these angels He will reveal it to us in due time.

Enough for now, my eldest has his last soccer game tomorrow, sniff sniff. Our time as coaches is almost officially over and I enjoyed it immensly. Hope you all have great weekends!

2nd Homestudy, check!

Well, I think we passed. At least, our SW kept referring to the kids we were going to have, etc etc. She did mention she would like to see progress photos of our house (hey, you and me both, babe) so that’ll be an ongoing deal I’m sure.

So now, we wait until our SW writes up the formal homestudy (she says about 2 weeks). Once we get the approved homestudy, we will get our dossier (I think it’s French for crapton of paperwork, but can’t be sure) together. We send the dossier off to CHSFS, they send it off to Ethiopia and oila! we will be officially waiting for our referral. No real concrete idea as to when that will be, but I’m planning on telling myself that I am now officially paper pregnant. That way, I can settle in for 9 months of waiting to hear word on my children. This one will, of course, be different than the last two. Firstly, this one will be a *hopefully* a bit easier on the scale. Secondly, I won’t be feeling them kick or see pictures of them in the womb. I will and do love them just as sure as they were growing in there because as most adoptive parents would tell you, they have been growing in our hearts as our biological children grow in our womb. Unfortunately I won’t be able to talk the doctors into inducing me this time, and there is literally nothing I can do either real or imagined to speed the process along.

Now we get to the constant worry of the financial issue of adoption. Obviously this is where the money starts hemmoraging from our wallets to CHSFS so that will be interesting. Please pray that we will figure that part out.

After waking up early and steam cleaning our carpets in his underwear, my husband waited until the SW was gone and started demolition on our house, what wonderful site that is!

Best be getting off to snuggle with my hubby before he goes to Biscuits (the essence of small town bar) to watch the Cubs game. Go Cubies!