Here’s something I wrestle with some days more than others.
I used to be full time employed in a place outside the home. It was a good job. Good income, little expected of me, lots of free time. Was able to have lingering coffees with smart people (sometimes they included family) and lunches with people who didn’t need various things cut up and multiple trips to the bathroom. When I was working full time, I often thought that the stay-at-home life looked fairly easy. I didn’t think I was able to do it because I’ve always enjoyed some time away from the kids, on my own, but here I am.
It’s a well kept secret that sometimes we stay-at-home moms (at least the ones that I talk to that are being honest with themselves/me) hate the fact that our husbands go to work every day. Sure, work is hard and stressful, I understand that. But when we bring home another baby/child, our husbands’ daily lives change very little. They still get up in the morning, get ready for work, kisses, hugs and head to work. More pressure to bring home the bacon and be a great husband and dad, sure, but until 5-6ish, very little of that new child is felt.
Then there’s us. Some moments it feels like another butt to wipe or book to read. Another little body making demands on this big body. Our work gets no coffee breaks without the constant threat of spilling on ourselves as a child whizzes by. We get no golf games with key players in the community. There are no lunches with family members or community members under the pretense of work.
I still get lunch and coffee requests from community members that I enjoyed bonding with in my time in the outside world. The email back always says something like, “I would LOVE to as long as it’s before noon (nap times!) and somewhat kid friendly. Kid menus are optional but great, a place to let them loose next to us is necessary! No need to have extensive wine list, wine shalt not be consumed before bedtime.”
All this said, I know the grass is greener on this side. I know because I’ve walked barefoot on both sides of the fence and I’m here to stay. I can’t imagine my life better. But I SERIOUSLY look at my husband with hate in my eyes somedays because his day involves those aforementioned cups of coffee and brainstorm sessions that require more than kindergarten english.
So this goes out to all those other stay-at-home moms (and dads, hey, Patrick!) who have felt even a moment of this. Believe me, though our kids might not thank us today or tomorrow, one day they will be very thankful we threw in our cups of coffee for our fake tea sets!
And truly, with a family of mine, I am way…too…lucky to be able to afford this option!