The food we ate. Oh the food! Loved it. In fact I can’t remember one thing I didn’t love and wish was in the states. Here on our final full day we found an Italian-type restaurant.

We laughed. A lot. Sometimes it was because things were funny, sometimes because they were awkward. Sometimes because you found yourself paying a gentleman for some toilet paper so you could use a restroom in a trailer. Then you found yourself laughing harder because your toilet didn’t have a lid and you were next to a man “taking a twozie” as my kids say.

One of the stove vendors made us a meal from the stove. Rice and beans, the staple of Haitian diet. I fell in love. Mouth is watering thinking about it.

Haiti was beautiful.  So. Beautiful.

This picture had to be added despite the overexposure because Jody and I were just having a nice heart to heart. Erica came upon us and pointed out that we were standing in front of a painting that was, ahem, risqué-complete with pubic hair and such.

I got Jody to drink a beer! Yup, it was exciting. I think the only reason I did was because she was literally knocking on death’s door and figured “why not” but still, felt like a victory. And the Prestige is a great Haitian beer.

Did I mention we were in the car a lot? (Here with an interpreter).

Mmmmmmm food!!!!

Food! (I took most of these food pictures for my sister, Leslie). 🙂

My purple hair sure was somethin’ else in the Haitian sun. I felt relieved(?) to see it matched a menu at my favorite Lebanese restaurant.

The whole group.

Stoves!

Thought it was so cool that the stoves were made in a carport by the locals. So cool.

Almost 3 weeks (3 weeks!) ago there was a little event called Wine to Water in Davenport. You guys have heard about it for years. First year, second year, third year.

Clearly I’m a little late to the game on posting about it. The week after the event I was literally so exhausted I was going to bed at about 8pm every night.

The second week after the event I will call the “I wish it was this weekend again” week. My thoughts were lost in how much fun it was and how much I wished we could do it all again every weekend.

So you get the summary 3 weeks late. There will be no pictures on this summary because my computer is old and crazy and hates me apparently. So if you want pictures, see my sister’s blog here, or Jody’s blog here.

But here at hotflawedmama you’ll get thoughts and lamenting from a humbled woman.

The party details were virtually the same, so read past posts for that information if you’re interested.

This post I want to be about the people.

My sister-in-law, of course. Who contributed more than ever before. Who was the person I called to just scream into the phone and then hang up. Who insisted on daily calls the last 2 weeks, mostly because she knew that’s my jam. Who answered my doom and gloom texts with positivity and exclamation points! She. was. amazing.

My husband who, once again, astounded me in every possible way. Facebooking for the first time in months (years?) to drum up support. And who literally gave people eargasms with his beautiful voice and guitar playing. (Well, him and a few of our other amazing friends).

Jody who flew in from the Northeast to talk about why The Adventure Project is the best in the business at what they do (creating jobs, integrity, providing clean water, etc). I can’t really explain how good it was to see her but I can tell you she is as amazing and beautiful as ever. I was so thankful she came and so sad when she left. And for Cassie who chauffeured her around all weekend.

For my amazing interweb friends who donated online and for the one (cough, Chandra, cough) who bid HIGH on a few of the online auction items.  And to my aunt-in-law who came from St. Louis.

For blogger friends SFM and Tamara and Facebook friends who made the trip from Chicago, Wisconsin and other ungodly parts of Iowa. They came to support and stay at camp and hang with us. Unfortunately I was legit the worst hostess ever and, when I was hanging with them, was either preoccupied mentally or so exhausted I might have been partially sleeping. I am hopeful they believe in second chances.

And of course, my friends and family here. It’s kind of amazing what throwing a decent sized fundraiser can do to bring out the real friends you have. The ones who maybe you thought were and then kind of go MIA? Maybe not so much. The ones you thought could one day become a friend offer their arm and leg (and sometimes many beautiful floral centerpieces!) and time and talents. They text you with things like “I’m bringing 11 people! And I’ve gotten 4 amazing pieces of art to donate too!”

Here’s something about me that is kind of the essence of me. If I know you, if I like you, if I love you or have ever loved you, I will pour myself into our relationship in as much of a capacity as I’m able. I will do virtually anything for you. Even if we’ve fought or had a bit of a falling out, doesn’t matter. If you call me and need anything I’ll do it. Please don’t take this as something I’m bragging about. I’m kind of an exhausting friend because I don’t understand when my friends don’t return my fervor. 🙂 See what I mean? My intensity is not always an awesome thing. It’s actually what I blame my prepubescent acne on…

But having events like this, I’ve seen that my energy naturally draws similar energy to it. This party is not possible without many people who have equal parts passion, intensity and borderline psychosis (like me). It’s just not.

And so I’m left, 3 weeks later, feeling so grateful to those people. And you people who prayed and sent out your good energy to the event.

Because, after all is said and done, the event will have raised somewhere between $13-15,000 (long story why there’s such a discrepancy).

Regardless of what the actual total is, it means people in India are empowered, get jobs and have sustainable access to clean water.

And if there’s one thing I’m really intense about, other than friends and family, it’s global access to clean water.

Until next year…

How is that even possible? Almost a month after this and I still think about those 2 all the time. Every time I come home I look up the hill at the clearing where they are buried. Fall is beautiful at camp, one of my favorite seasons for sure. Where they are buried there is one bright red/purple tree that sits among only yellow/orange ones. I love that.

2 days after the dogs died we got a call about a baby boy they were wanting us to foster. He was born minutes after Aristotle died. I don’t care who you are or what you believe, that is significant.

I needed a distraction, so the dog that took such good care of me for 8 years sent me one.

And what a distraction he was!

It has been 6 years since I’ve had a baby in this house so it was quite an adjustment. Are you aware newborns don’t sleep through the night? Yikes, that was rough.

But Z was such a good baby! He was beautiful and wonderful and exactly what I needed to help ease the pain of losing my other 2 “babies” a bit.

We had him for almost 3 weeks and then he transitioned to a home that will potentially adopt him should his birth mom not be able to regain custody. It’s for the best (particularly since I have a few things going on that no sleep/newborn made difficult) but I do miss the little guy.

My sister is getting married on Saturday (MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY!!!!) and I’m so excited. I love her fiance and I love a good party. Let’s do this.

Wine to Water will be November 10th. I love throwing this little shindig. It’ll look a little different this year but the results will be the same – hundreds of people who will have access to clean water who were once without. That’s awesome.

Life has such incredible rhythms built into it, I’ve found.

Grief (losing the dogs) can give way to incredible joy (my beloved sister getting married) and sacrifice (weeks/months of planning) can give way to blessing (for those with jobs/water and for me-to witness a community that truly cares about the world).

I think it’s in these moments that I see God the most. In the moments of despair and in the moments of dancing. Life was never meant to be spent entirely in the middle, even though that’s where we constantly try to remain.

Life in the depths or heights is brutal and beautiful (or brutiful as this blogger calls it-which I love and will heretofore steal) and even though it can be beyond painful I wouldn’t trade it for a life lived in the middle.

A life lived there wouldn’t have given me Tomas, Tariku or Binyam. It wouldn’t have given me this marriage that is the epitome of brutiful. It wouldn’t have given me the dogs or most of my friendships.

So I’ll take it. It’s damn hard but I’ll take it.

you need internet. We currently do not have that in our home. So I will be back, when this great nation of ours can figure out how to get internet to our home without us paying hundreds of dollars a month.

Or until I spend some QT at my sister’s house and can steal from her wifi.

I miss blogging, I do. But we are still caught up in the excitement of spending as much time together as we can possibly can (and sometimes more than we can possibly want!) so for now you get only pictures. 

My sister and her boyfriend recently brought home this ridiculously cute puppy, Tucker. My niece Adley Sue loves him. I love them both too much. My bro and sis-in-law are moving my niece back to Des Moines soon. I am crying right now just thinking about it. No idea what I’ll do when I can’t stop by all the time to see her.

Mother’s day was awesome. My kids are amazing, my husband spoils me. I am so, so lucky to be their mom.

A few days before school ended I sprung Trysten out early and took him to The Hunger Games. He had finished the book and was able to tell me all about it and even got a connection between THG and war, etc. Loved every second of that.

This summer I’ve started doing yoga with the kids. I couldn’t believe how they all just went right into it without goofing around or giggling or farting for a full 45 minutes. The last 10 minutes of meditation they were all still and silent. They beg me for it everyday. Love that.

Last day of preschool, Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade. Can’t believe it myself.

We started our garden later than last year. Doesn’t matter, I’m still so excited about all of the fresh produce that will be ours shortly.

My brother is now far enough along in his chiropractic studies to adjust the family. Kind of cool to see him work it all out. Pretty surreal as well.

Baseball. Story of our summer. Boys playing LOTS but also we’ve gotten to go to our beautiful Single A? stadium a few times as well. Can you believe how beautiful that view is from the stadium?

Went to a Chinese restaurant and the kids got these fortunes. It is eery how well it describes them (in order of age). Crazeballs.

At a baseball game Dailah asked to snuggle up to take a nap. Despite how much it freaks me out that she’s so big, I can’t get enough of how much I love this when my kids do this.

He’s going to Kindergarten. This was his round up. I can’t talk about it.

Zach was a baseball pitcher. A good one. Played in college and all that. I got to see him pitch a few times and was nervous for him then. But nothing compares to when my sons pitch. Trysten really loves pitching, I love/hate watching him. Regardless of how good he is, the kid looks the part.

And then Tariku. So hard to watch. He’s so competitive that if he throws a ball his whole body slumps. Ay yi yi. Regardless, his little booty and his afro make him the coolest looking kid on the field.

She borrowed my tank top, tied it in the back and made herself a dress. She gets that from her dad, as mentioned previously.

This would be Dailah and Binyam’s lives lately. Let’s watch baseball, again and again and again. They never complain mostly because they get slushies.

She loves chips. It is cute. The end.

I promise, more words later.

I promise, we are here. We are doing well, really well. School is out for summer. My mama love is so excited to hang with my little beloveds all day all summer long. Also excited to hang with this oft neglected blog a little more. Until then I give you this picture. Because I love their untied shoes and and their goofy grins and their unbridled goodness.

Oh. And holy crap how did they get so old?

My blog buddy Claudia has another link up going on at her blog. She’s asking us to write a post about what’s going well in our lives, homes, families, etc. I like that. So I’m definitely doing that.

Especially because yesterday after a weekend away from our kids Zach and I looked at each other (upon our return home and subsequent reuniting with said children) and said, “We are so lucky to have such good kids.”Probably it hasn’t always been this way, though select amnesia would tell me it has been this good for so long that it feels like always. Let’s just say the rhythm we’re currently in is really nice. So what’s working?

1) Me staying-at-home. This is not to say it’s necessary for a rhythm, this isn’t for everyone so please don’t read it like that. But for our family? It works, really, really well. All of the kids are in school from about 8-2:30 every day. I teach classes at our Y a couple days a week but for the most part I’m not working. This works for us because it enables me to get all of our “home stuff” done before the kids get home. That means laundry, cleaning, baking, grocery shopping, cutting and dyeing my hair etc. Most of it is done while the kids are in school. So when they get home? I’m not stressed, there aren’t things that need to get done that could compete with their need to connect with me. It’s wonderful. I know it’s wonderful because I used to work outside the home so I know for our family this is best right now.

2) Ages of the kids. I don’t know if this is necessarily something that is currently working for us but I have to believe it’s connected. The kids are at really easy ages right now. They are all old enough to clean up for themselves. The older 3 of a range of chores that they are more than capable of completing well which is not only nice for me but also nice for them to gain responsibility. They play so well together. Seriously well together. Yesterday Zach and I were a little hungover tired from our trip to Chicago so we told the kids to go play outside and we didn’t hear from them for 2 1/2 hours. That may sound like negligence but it wasn’t, Zach checked on them often and was entertained by the images he saw of our kids playing things like: school, Harry Potter and The Hunger Games (ok that one might’ve been a little disturbing but, I digress). Which leads me to…

3) This article I LOVED today. It speaks to the way we parent so much. After homework and reconnecting with the kids, they are sent outside until dinner. Quite a few times a week I’ll go out and read and watch them interact but I’ve found by and large they get along much better without me there. I’ve noticed when I’m there they recognize me as a mediator. When I’m not there they seem to work out disagreements a lot better knowing I won’t be able to choose sides, etc. This isn’t really a weather related thing either. For the most part my kids have been outside year ’round. There are a few exceptions but for the most part I just have them dress accordingly and then go wonder. I really attribute their strong sibling relationships to getting outside so often. Indoors can make kids feel pent up and boxed in but the outdoors the possibilities really are endless. They’ve come back from hikes holding hands, with arms around each other telling tales of saving bunnies from certain death, rescuing their sister from a mud puddle and the like. It.is.amazing.

4) Schedules. Schedules. Schedules. We rarely go off schedule. I tell the kids what is ahead for the week on Monday and rarely stray from that. For our kids who need schedules for their sanity, this is essential. As long as we do this, there are a lot less fights and a lot less negative energy in the house.

And perhaps most importantly…

5) a really good marriage. Again, this is not to say single mommies and/or daddies can’t find a rhythm, this is only to say this works so well for us. I think you all can agree that when there is stuff going on in the marriage it automatically trickles down to the kids. It doesn’t matter if you never fight in front of the kids, kids are great at reading every last strained facial expression, body language and energy in the house. True or false? Zach and I have hit the best rhythm of our marriage yet and I have no doubt that’s one of the main reasons the rhythm of this house is so good right now. This is, of course, not to say we never fight because we do. But everything has changed in the last months and it has made all the difference.

Something else I want to recommend for you out there? Meditation. I do it every day, usually twice a day. I’m sure that scares a lot of you but it doesn’t have to. You don’t have to repeat any mantras or words or make a big deal out of it. Just try to carve out a few minutes every day to just be. I like to listen to calming music and zone out. Typically I wake up before the kids and meditate before waking them up for school. Our mornings since doing this have been 0 hassle, 0 whining (from me OR the kids. ;)) and just so.much.better. I also try to do it before I pick them up from school. I want my time with them to be good. I want their memories of me to be good. I don’t want them to remember a frazzled, hurried, overzealous mama. I want them to be able to see very clearly just how thankful I am for every second I get with them. I’ve found when I meditate the stuff that can get in the way disappears. I am so present with them now, and that is huge for me.

There you have it. A few of the things that work for us around here. I can’t wait to read more. If you are participating or just want to leave in the comments a few things that work for you I would LOVE to hear it! I gain so much from knowing and hearing from you all.

Wild Cat Den is such a cool place to hike around here. As mentioned previously, this spring has been unseasonably warm. Thus, last week found our family, my bro, sis-in-law, niece, sister and sister’s boy toy taking a little hike. It was beautiful. I am so, so lucky to be surrounded by so many people I love so much.