A few days after we brought Tariku home when I kinda thought we made a mistake and kinda missed the way things were before; I put Tariku down for a nap and closed the door and for a second I wondered if maybe he’d be gone when I opened it.
(This is full disclosure and yes, it’s messed up, but yes, it happens to almost every adoptive (or birth, to be honest) mom if they’re being honest with themselves).
WIthout thinking about it, today I checked on him three times during nap. I didn’t notice until the last time that apart of me wanted to make sure he was still there, that he’s not just a dream. That I won’t wake up and miss his laugh and his hugs. I wanted to watch him breath and smile in his sleep.
I think this is progress. I think…this is love.