Bad blogger. I did better while in ET, that’s just crazy…but…we’re without internet here so that makes things kinda hard, right?

But we’re okay. The flood is affecting us over here in Eastern Iowa. I have pictures on my camera that I’ll upload once we have internet, it really is pretty amazing. The trek that used to take us 10 minutes to downtown now takes at least 20 and it’s a winding, winding path. Cedar Rapids (now made famous by the likes of the Today show and various others) is about an hour away from us and is home to my uncle and his family and a few cousins. All of them have been unable to make it to work for a couple weeks with the threat of not making it back out. It really is pretty crazy. The river would have to crest MUCH higher to actually make it to our front door but we have not come out of it unscathed. Our basement (including the boys’ room) now smells like BO, poo, urine, old feet and various other smells that I never wanted to smell in my house. It makes me long for the days when it was just a newly adopted Ethiopian’s urine that I was smelling…anywho, we’re okay and safe and that’s a lot better than other people in our town. Anyway, the ole’ Mississippi is living up to its various nicknames by it’s current.

What else has been going on? The boob on the ankle is gone and all that’s left is a slight limp only noticed by people who knew of the reason for it in the first place. This is all good news as it’s helped me get back to my A game on the parenting front (don’t ask the kids, as they might disagree).

We had a good father’s day. Zach had to work so it was pretty laid back. One day when I get back my internet I’ll write an ode to his amazing fatherhoodness as well as the man I get to call “daddy” every day. Both amazing men, both men who are definitely a dime a ten thousand anymore.

What else…my eldest started day camp today. He’ll be gone every day for the rest of summer pretty much. He woke up at 5:45 am this morning asking if it was time to go to camp. One would think he wouldn’t be that excited as he LIVES HERE but that one would be mistaken as he was beyond excited.

Tariku continues to learn more English but draws a blank when I ask him “what’s wrong” or “why did you do that?” for some reason he chooses those critical times to “fake” his Ethiopianess and just looks at me with those big eyes (I jest…of course he’s Ethiopian and he plays at not knowing oh so well). But overall we continue to fall more in love with each other every day and I’m sure he starts hating me less and less for taking him away from better women at the care center. We’re starting to become very happy he’s here on both fronts. 🙂

Single mommin’ it is way tougher with 3 kids than with two. For various reasons (one being Zach doesn’t have someone employed who can be the contact person at night) I don’t get to see Zach too many nights before I go to sleep either so that doesn’t help the situation. It’s starting to wear on us both but at least I get a quick Kaluha on ice before I head to bed where he’s not able to escape to the wonderful lands of “buzzness” with the ever present threat of someone losing a finger and needing a rush to the ER. Hopefully soon he can find someone who can at least take a few of these nights from him so that I’ll remember what it’s like to hug a husband and the kids won’t start shrugging their shoulders when someone asks them who their daddy is.

All that said life is going quite well on the homestead. Save for the threat of natural disasters, husbands over worked and under loved, mom’s hitting their breaking point with one child talking and two repeating after them…we’re hanging in there. Alas, don’t cry for me Argentina, I have a home over our heads, food on the table, fresh water to drink and access to affordable healthcare. That means I’m better off than somewhere around 95% of the rest of the world.

The boob on my ankle is shrinking…or shifting, tough to say. It’s a common boob theme in my life, for some reason… Anywho…

I was able to put some weight on it today, even walking on it with a “slight” limp. I’m a flippin’ animal. No really, I feel much better about the whole situation.

The kids are great. I honestly can’t understand why I got so lucky to have these people in my life. Funny story…on Saturday Zach was able to spend the whole day with us without having to go into work once, it was REALLY nice! So that night we were heading to some friends’ house for dinner. We get in the car and he says, “I don’t know how you do it all day every day, hons.” I knew what he was talking about, of course. Though I hesitated in telling him, the kids were being particularly troublesome that day for some reason, but I let him just contemplate that for a little bit. “I don’t give you enough thanks or credit for doing it. Awesome job, nice work.” “There were times today when I wished it was a Monday so I could go to work and relax for a bit.”

I laughed, and did end up telling them they were being particularly squirrley that day. But I appreciated his comment so very much. Because I know it’s more work. I remember working, it was just 10 months ago that I quit working full time. I admit, I didn’t have a stressful job so my days were pretty easy but still…this full time mommy business is not for the faint hearted! There are definitely moments when I would kill to put on my suit, high heels and head out the door to grab coffee with a client or something similar. Perhaps go on a golf outing of someone who is thinking of building in the next year, that would be nice.

I digress, at the end of the day I’m still so very thankful Zach’s job gives me the ability to stay at home. The ability to stay in my jammies if I want. Do laundry and clean the house when I want (not in those few precious moments I have with the kids). I get to make dinner, spend good quality time with my hubby when the kids are tucked in instead of using that time to do all the stuff I’ve neglected. And then of course the kids…knowing which of Trysten’s smiles will be coming at any moment. Knowing when Tariku is being sarcastic and when he has to go to the bathroom. Knowing when Dailah is at her breaking point and the moment just before she slaps you in the face. All these things would undoubtedly not be so vivid if I didn’t spend every waking moment with them. The fact that I’m right now, on a Wednesday, in my parent’s house having went shopping all day and to 2 movies! This is the life. Sure, it’s a life where I was vomitted on, peed on and the walking kleenex all in one day but it’s the life. The only life I could possibly want right now.

Off to peek on those kids and see if I can accurately guess whether they’re dreaming of power rangers (Trysten), cars (Tariku) or hitting someone in the face (Dailah).

I apologize, dear readers that I’ve been away. Our internet source at the homestead crapped out on us. I’ve felt a bit like a lady, on a boat, with no lighthouse. Where do I go in this world with no internet? It is no fun. So a quick recap of the last few days.

–Today at 11:30 I sprained my ankle. I sprained it teaching a class. It was embarrasing, it sucked a fat one, it hurts like a bee sting on the private parts (I’m guessing here, I have no personal experience). I had to go to the doc, who was convinced it was broken. Fractured, she says, it’s fractured. Go get X-rays and then wait to be casted. WHAT?!?!?!? Well it wasn’t, thank the good heavens. What good is a stay-at-home mom of 3 on crutches I ask you. Well no good at all.

–My sister came into town early Sunday morning. She witnessed the aforementioned fall. She has been a tremendous help with the kids. We’re now in my “hometown” and the kids are getting mega attention from grandparents, aunt and uncle.

–Did you know my sprained ankle kind of looks like I grew a boob on top of my foot? I’ll take a picture, it’s the craziest thing in the world.

–Tariku had his first real freak out today. He was obviously scared poopless that I was hurt. I put on a strong face for him until Doozie sucker kicked me right to the ankle then I screamed and hollared like a woman giving birth (I do know about that, as you know). When I had my sister drop my off at the hospital to take the kids to nap, Zach was coming to pick me up, Tariku kept saying, “Mommy come home, mommy please come.” It was heart breaking, I had no idea what to do. I kept reassuring him that I was fine, that I was coming back. Luckily I was home by the time he woke from his nap. Never seen someone so happy to see me!

–Did you know when I sprain my ankle I curse like a drunken sailor? Did you know I curse even when I’m on a microphone at the YMCA? That’s just bad.

–Doozie’s caught a bit of a cold. She was a real pill on the way to the hometown. I always feel so bad for the kids when they’re sick but sue me for still being slightly annoyed by the shennanigans.

–It’s flooding in our parts. We live right along the Mississippi River so my normal access to work is completely closed off. We’re okay (thanks for checking, Erica!) and so is our family but it is pretty crazy to see our usual landmarks underwater.

That’s all I can think of right now. Good stuff all around if you ask me. Feels good to be back in cyberspace. I caught up on blogs and I feel like I can call you all friends again. 🙂 Thanks for that.

Love and peace,
TL

So my birthday started out well. Went over to my sister-in-law’s house so that my kids could play with their cousins in the new pool. It was a lot of fun to chat with Leslie as well as watch the kids have so much fun.

Then the day just was not a lot of fun. Various things, whatever. The problem is, I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I love them so much that I insist on a “birthday week” (not just for me, for all my family!) So I get my hopes up and then when you get older, it rarely lives up to the expectations.

So I had to teach my class and, as I mentioned in a previous blog, thought I was going to go out with one of my friends. All day I was wanting to cancel with this friend (though I love her dearly) because I wanted to hang out with the family. So when I was waiting for my friend to show up at the Y, my favorite husband walked up! That friend was babysitting instead so Zach could get away and take me on a night on the town.

It was so wonderful. That husband of mine, he sure is a good man. So we went and picked out a new camera for me (yipee! early next week watch for amazing pics!) and then went to one of my favorite restaurants. Zach completely redeemed the birthday and that’s just one of a kazillion reasons why I love him. Here’s some good pics that prove the bday was great!

Dailah giving her cousin, Eli a tight squeeze.

The big boys, T and O. Look at all those ribs!

Tariku LOVES the water, though don’t try to get his head wet, freaks him out! 🙂

Don’t you just want to swim in his eyes?

The professional pictures we took are up! And they are just too good. Go here if you want to see them!

to my mom! Yes, this week keeps on going with celebrations. You know what’s even neater about my mom’s birthday being on the 5th? IT’S ALSO MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!! Yippee. I love sharing a birth date with my mom.

No real big plans today…probably go to the Y this morning, maybe meet up with my nephews at some point, teach a class tonight and then perhaps go for a drink with one of my friends. It will be a nice, relaxing day. Yippee!

Happy Birthday to my nephew, Oliver (May 31st), my mother-in-law, Terre (June 2) and my brother-in-law, Jake (today). Here are some pictures because they are great and I love you guys so much!

This is how Dailah likes to watch cartoons in the morning.

Kids in the kiddie pool at Oliver’s party.

We got Oliver a kiddie pool for his big 4th birthday and this is how we had to ride with it in the car, it was awesome.

I just loved this picture. The kids love reading, look at all of their legs entwined, so cute.

We went to the farmer’s market on Saturday morning. 8 people thought these two were twins…they’re cousins but do look remarkably alike!

I was thinking last night as I was making my bead, while folding clothes, while brushing my teeth that high school/college really didn’t prepare me for the bulk of what’s going on in my life. I dare say it was even less than helpful when I was in full-time “real world” employment. A few examples I thought of:

We had home ec, but there was no mention of how to cook while your kids want you to read books, and the laundry needs switched over, etc. Home ec taught me how to bake “no bake” cookies but didn’t tell me how to make a meal that 5 people would all enjoy.

We had economics but no one told me how to fight fair with my husband when he wants new work clothes and I want new shoes and both don’t fit in the budget. They taught us about supply and demand but didn’t teach us how to budget for a family and put monies into 401ks and retirement funds and CDs (I’m talking about the people who DIDN’T take business classes obviously).

We had sociology classes that taught us what would happen if we screwed up the whole parenting thing but no actual parenting classes that could teach us how to keep our head about us when our oldest is struggling to breath or how to stay patient when you’re waiting for a child around the world to come home.

College and high school taught us plenty about being selfish and thinking about what WE want to be and what WE need to do and what WE need to eat. It didn’t equip us at all to let all selfishness go once you get married and have children. There were no classes labeled “Compromise” even though that pretty much sums up my life as a wife and mother.

I’m amazed at how easily I transitioned into this whole wifely and motherly role. There was no training, other than watching my mom juggle all the same things. When looking back, though, it does upset me a bit that there was no preparation and in just a few short years I’ll be wishing someone gave me classes on preparing for empty nest. I understand it’s kind of left to the parents to be teaching their children all of this “real world” stuff they need to know but it must be asked, “What happens when the kids grow up all but parentless?” I, of course, hate that we get some of these children in a viscious cycle of having no guidance for real world issues and then passing that onto their children, etc, etc.

Whew, that tone changed quickly on me but I just was thinking about all of that last night. I really hope and pray I can raise both my boys and girl to know how to do all of those things I mentioned and so much more baffling things that happen on a daily basis.

Saw it last night…loved it.

I love friends. My mom has told me since I can remember to not lose my friends once I get married and have kids. I think it’s so easy for us to do that. I love coming home, eating dinner as a family. Giving the kids a bath together and then sitting down with our glass of wine to watch, “So you think you can dance.” That’s the life.

But as I looked at my 3 friends who came with me (to the late show no less!) I was so very thankful I have tried so hard to do what my mom said in that case. Because sometimes the only people who know what I’m going through or will laugh with me when I want to cry, are my girlfriends.

What a huge…huge…blessing.

Man, Jody and Andy are in the midst of it right now. In the midst and hands of God’s mercy and grace (hopefully). Today is the most critical day in their adoption todate and I am so nervous I could throw up. They have so many people praying for them, I know, but we’re all human and of course I just wish there was something I could do to ensure they get their kids and get them safely. Ugh….adoption, what a messy, messy business sometimes.

I think conversations about adoption are interesting. Often times when people first announce they are adopting there is a lot of resistance. This seems to be across the board, coming at the adopters from various angles and people in their lives. No matter who it is, it’s hurtful, and all the adopter wants to do is “show them”. “I’ll show them,” we say, “that this is the best idea a person has ever had, I’ll show them that we’ll be the happiest family ever when this person(s) come home. I’ll show them.”

The reality is adoption, like any child rearing, is not always so black and white. No matter how great Tariku is, and he is pretty great, I still sometimes look at him and ask myself what we got ourselves into (and if I’m being perfectly honest, I do the same for Trysten and Dailah as well). But with adoption it’s different. We don’t want to express those moments of doubt because there were too many naysayers in the beginning OR because we want to be an encouragement to others who are thinking of the process. I don’t want to give a voice to those thoughts in my head that perhaps we just made our lives incredibly difficult and the fault lies with me. I don’t want to do that because, overall, I am so very happy we adopted. The fighting we did for this miracle was the biggest fight of my life and the reward is SOO much better than I had imagined. If I’m being honest, I maybe have 3 minutes of an entire day when I have some negative thoughts. BUT I went into this blog experience saying I would be honest about my feelings so that I would remember what it felt like and so other potential adopters would go in with their eyes wide open.

The popular part of “mommying” nowadays is to be brutally honest about things. I think this came about for a number of reasons but I basically think people just got tired of hearing about everyone else supposedly having this family with no faults. So you can hear moms talk about everything and once in awhile it starts sounding like complaining quite a bit. We know the moms love being moms, we know they wouldn’t trade it for anything. But the same is not assumed for adoptive moms necessarily. We are under a different watchful eye. An eye that, for better or worse, is infinitely more judgmental and harsh (and it’s only compounded if we adopt transracially or transculturally). This is why we blog. We adoptive parents blog because most of our readers are either good friends, family or other adoptive parents. We know we can be honest about being less than pleased with our lives right now. We feel comfort in our “cyber friends” because we won’t have to look them in the eyes when we’re telling them everything is great (and thus them seeing tears and fear in our eyes which gives us away). But they are a tremendous support anyway, aren’t they?

Being an adoptive mom is hands down one of the most rewarding experiences in my entire life. I am so happy we made our decision to adopt (and probably will again) and I am so happy I’m joining the ranks of adoptive mom, the ones who mother harder and more intensly than any other moms I know (that’s because I’m a past non-adoptive mom so I know the difference!) I assure you, adoptive parents, the time will come when we can be honest about our experiences and not feel like people will take our children away from us. 🙂 Until then, I salute you!