A Recap

I apologize, dear readers that I’ve been away. Our internet source at the homestead crapped out on us. I’ve felt a bit like a lady, on a boat, with no lighthouse. Where do I go in this world with no internet? It is no fun. So a quick recap of the last few days.

–Today at 11:30 I sprained my ankle. I sprained it teaching a class. It was embarrasing, it sucked a fat one, it hurts like a bee sting on the private parts (I’m guessing here, I have no personal experience). I had to go to the doc, who was convinced it was broken. Fractured, she says, it’s fractured. Go get X-rays and then wait to be casted. WHAT?!?!?!? Well it wasn’t, thank the good heavens. What good is a stay-at-home mom of 3 on crutches I ask you. Well no good at all.

–My sister came into town early Sunday morning. She witnessed the aforementioned fall. She has been a tremendous help with the kids. We’re now in my “hometown” and the kids are getting mega attention from grandparents, aunt and uncle.

–Did you know my sprained ankle kind of looks like I grew a boob on top of my foot? I’ll take a picture, it’s the craziest thing in the world.

–Tariku had his first real freak out today. He was obviously scared poopless that I was hurt. I put on a strong face for him until Doozie sucker kicked me right to the ankle then I screamed and hollared like a woman giving birth (I do know about that, as you know). When I had my sister drop my off at the hospital to take the kids to nap, Zach was coming to pick me up, Tariku kept saying, “Mommy come home, mommy please come.” It was heart breaking, I had no idea what to do. I kept reassuring him that I was fine, that I was coming back. Luckily I was home by the time he woke from his nap. Never seen someone so happy to see me!

–Did you know when I sprain my ankle I curse like a drunken sailor? Did you know I curse even when I’m on a microphone at the YMCA? That’s just bad.

–Doozie’s caught a bit of a cold. She was a real pill on the way to the hometown. I always feel so bad for the kids when they’re sick but sue me for still being slightly annoyed by the shennanigans.

–It’s flooding in our parts. We live right along the Mississippi River so my normal access to work is completely closed off. We’re okay (thanks for checking, Erica!) and so is our family but it is pretty crazy to see our usual landmarks underwater.

That’s all I can think of right now. Good stuff all around if you ask me. Feels good to be back in cyberspace. I caught up on blogs and I feel like I can call you all friends again. 🙂 Thanks for that.

Love and peace,
TL

Thoughts On Bday

So my birthday started out well. Went over to my sister-in-law’s house so that my kids could play with their cousins in the new pool. It was a lot of fun to chat with Leslie as well as watch the kids have so much fun.

Then the day just was not a lot of fun. Various things, whatever. The problem is, I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I love them so much that I insist on a “birthday week” (not just for me, for all my family!) So I get my hopes up and then when you get older, it rarely lives up to the expectations.

So I had to teach my class and, as I mentioned in a previous blog, thought I was going to go out with one of my friends. All day I was wanting to cancel with this friend (though I love her dearly) because I wanted to hang out with the family. So when I was waiting for my friend to show up at the Y, my favorite husband walked up! That friend was babysitting instead so Zach could get away and take me on a night on the town.

It was so wonderful. That husband of mine, he sure is a good man. So we went and picked out a new camera for me (yipee! early next week watch for amazing pics!) and then went to one of my favorite restaurants. Zach completely redeemed the birthday and that’s just one of a kazillion reasons why I love him. Here’s some good pics that prove the bday was great!

Dailah giving her cousin, Eli a tight squeeze.

The big boys, T and O. Look at all those ribs!

Tariku LOVES the water, though don’t try to get his head wet, freaks him out! 🙂

Don’t you just want to swim in his eyes?

Happy Birthday

to my mom! Yes, this week keeps on going with celebrations. You know what’s even neater about my mom’s birthday being on the 5th? IT’S ALSO MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!!! Yippee. I love sharing a birth date with my mom.

No real big plans today…probably go to the Y this morning, maybe meet up with my nephews at some point, teach a class tonight and then perhaps go for a drink with one of my friends. It will be a nice, relaxing day. Yippee!

Celebrations

Happy Birthday to my nephew, Oliver (May 31st), my mother-in-law, Terre (June 2) and my brother-in-law, Jake (today). Here are some pictures because they are great and I love you guys so much!

This is how Dailah likes to watch cartoons in the morning.

Kids in the kiddie pool at Oliver’s party.

We got Oliver a kiddie pool for his big 4th birthday and this is how we had to ride with it in the car, it was awesome.

I just loved this picture. The kids love reading, look at all of their legs entwined, so cute.

We went to the farmer’s market on Saturday morning. 8 people thought these two were twins…they’re cousins but do look remarkably alike!

Ill Prepared

I was thinking last night as I was making my bead, while folding clothes, while brushing my teeth that high school/college really didn’t prepare me for the bulk of what’s going on in my life. I dare say it was even less than helpful when I was in full-time “real world” employment. A few examples I thought of:

We had home ec, but there was no mention of how to cook while your kids want you to read books, and the laundry needs switched over, etc. Home ec taught me how to bake “no bake” cookies but didn’t tell me how to make a meal that 5 people would all enjoy.

We had economics but no one told me how to fight fair with my husband when he wants new work clothes and I want new shoes and both don’t fit in the budget. They taught us about supply and demand but didn’t teach us how to budget for a family and put monies into 401ks and retirement funds and CDs (I’m talking about the people who DIDN’T take business classes obviously).

We had sociology classes that taught us what would happen if we screwed up the whole parenting thing but no actual parenting classes that could teach us how to keep our head about us when our oldest is struggling to breath or how to stay patient when you’re waiting for a child around the world to come home.

College and high school taught us plenty about being selfish and thinking about what WE want to be and what WE need to do and what WE need to eat. It didn’t equip us at all to let all selfishness go once you get married and have children. There were no classes labeled “Compromise” even though that pretty much sums up my life as a wife and mother.

I’m amazed at how easily I transitioned into this whole wifely and motherly role. There was no training, other than watching my mom juggle all the same things. When looking back, though, it does upset me a bit that there was no preparation and in just a few short years I’ll be wishing someone gave me classes on preparing for empty nest. I understand it’s kind of left to the parents to be teaching their children all of this “real world” stuff they need to know but it must be asked, “What happens when the kids grow up all but parentless?” I, of course, hate that we get some of these children in a viscious cycle of having no guidance for real world issues and then passing that onto their children, etc, etc.

Whew, that tone changed quickly on me but I just was thinking about all of that last night. I really hope and pray I can raise both my boys and girl to know how to do all of those things I mentioned and so much more baffling things that happen on a daily basis.

Sex and the City

Saw it last night…loved it.

I love friends. My mom has told me since I can remember to not lose my friends once I get married and have kids. I think it’s so easy for us to do that. I love coming home, eating dinner as a family. Giving the kids a bath together and then sitting down with our glass of wine to watch, “So you think you can dance.” That’s the life.

But as I looked at my 3 friends who came with me (to the late show no less!) I was so very thankful I have tried so hard to do what my mom said in that case. Because sometimes the only people who know what I’m going through or will laugh with me when I want to cry, are my girlfriends.

What a huge…huge…blessing.

Gonna Throw Up

Man, Jody and Andy are in the midst of it right now. In the midst and hands of God’s mercy and grace (hopefully). Today is the most critical day in their adoption todate and I am so nervous I could throw up. They have so many people praying for them, I know, but we’re all human and of course I just wish there was something I could do to ensure they get their kids and get them safely. Ugh….adoption, what a messy, messy business sometimes.

I think conversations about adoption are interesting. Often times when people first announce they are adopting there is a lot of resistance. This seems to be across the board, coming at the adopters from various angles and people in their lives. No matter who it is, it’s hurtful, and all the adopter wants to do is “show them”. “I’ll show them,” we say, “that this is the best idea a person has ever had, I’ll show them that we’ll be the happiest family ever when this person(s) come home. I’ll show them.”

The reality is adoption, like any child rearing, is not always so black and white. No matter how great Tariku is, and he is pretty great, I still sometimes look at him and ask myself what we got ourselves into (and if I’m being perfectly honest, I do the same for Trysten and Dailah as well). But with adoption it’s different. We don’t want to express those moments of doubt because there were too many naysayers in the beginning OR because we want to be an encouragement to others who are thinking of the process. I don’t want to give a voice to those thoughts in my head that perhaps we just made our lives incredibly difficult and the fault lies with me. I don’t want to do that because, overall, I am so very happy we adopted. The fighting we did for this miracle was the biggest fight of my life and the reward is SOO much better than I had imagined. If I’m being honest, I maybe have 3 minutes of an entire day when I have some negative thoughts. BUT I went into this blog experience saying I would be honest about my feelings so that I would remember what it felt like and so other potential adopters would go in with their eyes wide open.

The popular part of “mommying” nowadays is to be brutally honest about things. I think this came about for a number of reasons but I basically think people just got tired of hearing about everyone else supposedly having this family with no faults. So you can hear moms talk about everything and once in awhile it starts sounding like complaining quite a bit. We know the moms love being moms, we know they wouldn’t trade it for anything. But the same is not assumed for adoptive moms necessarily. We are under a different watchful eye. An eye that, for better or worse, is infinitely more judgmental and harsh (and it’s only compounded if we adopt transracially or transculturally). This is why we blog. We adoptive parents blog because most of our readers are either good friends, family or other adoptive parents. We know we can be honest about being less than pleased with our lives right now. We feel comfort in our “cyber friends” because we won’t have to look them in the eyes when we’re telling them everything is great (and thus them seeing tears and fear in our eyes which gives us away). But they are a tremendous support anyway, aren’t they?

Being an adoptive mom is hands down one of the most rewarding experiences in my entire life. I am so happy we made our decision to adopt (and probably will again) and I am so happy I’m joining the ranks of adoptive mom, the ones who mother harder and more intensly than any other moms I know (that’s because I’m a past non-adoptive mom so I know the difference!) I assure you, adoptive parents, the time will come when we can be honest about our experiences and not feel like people will take our children away from us. 🙂 Until then, I salute you!